11 ‘foolproof’ tips to become famous

Fame may seem like an impossible dream, but with a little hard work, it could happen. No, we’re not talking about laboring over your acting craft — we’re talking manipulating the celebrity circus via nip slips, crotch shots and sex tapes. In the new book, “Everyone Wants to Be Me or Do Me,” available Tuesday, Tom Fitzgerald and Lorenzo Marquez (of the popular fashion site Tom & Lorenzo[1]) expound hilariously on what you can learn from the fame machine. The Post caught up with the pair to figure out just how one attains celebrity status.

“This is a road map to stardom,” says Marquez. “As long as you’re willing to not have dignity, you’ll make it.”

Here is the insider’s guide to becoming famous:

Beef up your résumé with a stripper past

“A good job to have on your résumé while you’re trying to be famous is anything that allows you to have a thick skin [while also] satisfying your performing bug — which is why there are so many former strippers and prostitutes among the famous,” says Fitzgerald.

Maneuver the casting couch deftly

“It’s always good to have a lawyer involved to negotiate what you’re getting out of your casting couch services,” says Fitzgerald. “It does exist, just like sexual harassment exists in every single industry. There’s a portion of the celebrity world that has learned how to game that system and make it work for them. In the modern era, you do hear a lot of stories about stars who negotiated their way through the casting couch using their lawyers, using their agents and sitting in a conference room. There’s two ways of getting into the industry: Trading sexual favors or just be born into it.”

Make a sex tape

“To land a tabloid cover, you can have an affair with a famous person or do a sex tape,” says Fitzgerald. “Aren’t the best sex tapes ones where the other person doesn’t realize they’re being taped? You court them by not telling them they’re being taped.”

Or just expose yourself in public

“There’s always the [classic] get-out-of-a-car-without-any-underwear-on or have a nip slip in front of a camera,” says Fitzgerald. “And then the guy version of that is going commando when you walk down the street. Jon Hamm’s a great practitioner of that one.”

Tom & Lorenzo’s new read, “Everyone Wants to Be Me or Do Me.”Perigee Press

Decide you are beautiful

“Being beautiful is something you determine yourself and tell the world, which is why we’re in a period where beauty is being defined by eating disorders, spray tans and extensions,” says Fitzgerald. “Celebrities have this incredible amount of power in terms of defining certain things for the culture. One of the things is what beauty is in the modern era. As twisted as that is, there’s something a little bit admirable about that. If [only] we could all just say, ‘I am beautiful. Accept it.’ There is something blindly, delusionally, wonderful about the way they do that.”

Assume that everything you do is interesting

“You have to go through every situation assuming that everybody is fascinated by every single thing that you do,” says Fitzgerald. “And after you convince yourself of that, everything is on the table. Exiting a car with a short skirt with no underwear on, public drunkenness, sex on a hotel balcony. The sky’s the limit.”

Make a scene everywhere you go

“Enunciate everything you say, and make everything grandeur,” says Marquez. “Every gesture, everything you do, exaggerate it so people can look at you. When you walk down the street and you see someone dressed to the nines and looking fabulous, you always stop and wonder, ‘Is this person famous?’ ”

Start a feud on Twitter

“You should talk about everything that is in your mind without any filter,” says Marquez. “Complain about things. Call people whores. Say you hate things — you hate an actor, you hate a movie — scandalous things you can do to draw attention.”

Plagiarize poetry

“Use social media in a way to make you seem deeper and more profound than you actually are,” says Fitzgerald. “Post bizarre little snippets of poetry that you probably plagiarized from somewhere else.”

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